Why lie?

A rather unfortunate part of the human experience: lying. Growing up, I lied a LOT. My mom would tell me, "Nobody will ever be able to trust you if you lie." And I certainly didn't want that! But I kept lying, anyway.

Why?

Well, stripping away all the myriad of potential specifics, it boils down to only two things: manipulation and/or self preservation. We lie to get what we want, or to not get what we don't want. 

At this point, I claim unapologetic honesty. But really, that's limited to regarding myself. I'll still lie to protect others when it feels right, which falls under manipulation. I have a rather ambiguous moral compass. I don't let anyone or anything else tell me what's right or wrong, I listen solely to my heart, and that oh-so-important resonation I've mentioned before. Put me face to face with anyone, and eliminate topics pertaining to someone else's safety, privacy, or choices, you'll get the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

The people closest to me know that I'm honest to a brutal degree. I don't mince my words, don't beat around the bush, and I certainly don't verbalize bullshit to get my way. Matter of fact, I've stood in my truths to my own detriment many a time.

But still, they lie to me. And it hurts. I see straight through it, but they still do it. Then, in their bruised ego's wake, they project their shortcomings onto me, to avoid acknowledging it in themselves.

Ah, projections. We'll get to that.

Hurt people hurt people, I understand that. But all I want to do is help people. Help people heal, so they can become the best versions of themselves they can be. How do I convey that undeniably?

I guess just by persevering, and being me. Unapologetically.

Being Human

I started this post in November.

That's right, seven+ months ago. I didn't continue it at the time, because I had a lot of soul searching to do. I needed to know if I was diving into a pipe dream, or if I was the only one who saw really real reality.

The thing is, I was seeing perfection everywhere I looked. The man I love, the time we shared, the people we saw and spent time with. Everything was perfect. Except when it wasn't. There was a flip side to everything that made me question my sanity, my feelings, the people around me... And I didn't know what to do.

Now I know I'm not crazy. I certainly seem crazy to some. But I'm not. So here goes:

Being Human

We all do it. We've had to, we've not known any other way. But being human kinda sucks. Being human is why we're riddled with uncertainties and insecurities. We allow our minds to reign over our hearts and souls, and exist in a state of confusion and tortured imbalance. Consistent onslaughts of negativity harass our thoughts and persons. We don't really know what we want, orwhyorwhenorhow, or with who. Ultimately we're plagued by constant internal existential disarray.

There's an end to this game. Being human isn't all we can be. Being human isn't all we're supposed to be. How many of us can honestly say we feel like we're living up to our full potential, feeling fulfilled and truly content in our lives? I'd venture to say anyone who reads this is in the same boat I've been in. Wondering what's missing in ourselves, and why we can't accomplish all we feel we're destined to, why we feel blocked by a wall in our path that we can't find a way around. Like the answer is RIGHT THERE, but we can't quite see or reach it.

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That's where I left off seven months ago. I've come a long way since then. I now know how to trust myself, how to believe in my intuition, how to gauge resonation, how to KNOW that which seems impossible to truly know. Most would call what I do assuming. The difference is... my "assumptions" are accurate.

To quote Hopsin in the song, Ill Mind of Hopsin 5:

"My existence on this planet's for you, I ain't only here to benefit me." 💙