I Need to be a Blogger

I need to be a blogger. I just realized, THIS is how I process shit. Writing. It always has been, I just hadn't realized how significant it actually is in the process.

I write beautifully. Which is the first time I've ever "said" that.

I go through this cycle. I begin  processing some personally heavy shit. That processing manifests itself as these STRAIGHT UP MARATHONS of conversations with various people. I perfect every message, and read and reread and reread my words until the recipient responds, wash, rinse, repeat, until the relevant epiphany locks into place.

I've been seeking others' approval of my words, the only tool I know how to use in expressing myself. Writing is the truest connection between me and the world. The one way in which I'm the most vulnerable. Which is why it comes out so beautifully. And also why I was innately insecure about it.

If my life is an intricately detailed and coded map, blogging is the key. And I just found it.